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          Back in the van Genphry sits in the passenger seat with Kazuma in the driver position, self-proclaimed King of the Van.  Cedar sits to the right of me, in the middle seats, with Valia at her feet.  Zac sits in back.
          I sit behind Kazuma, with Adair in my lap.  I shiver, even though earlier I told them I didn't feel the cold.  That was then, when I still had supernova heat from the rave-dancing.
          When I shiver Adair looks at me, "Are you cold?"
          I nod.
          He snuggles closer and says, "I will try to warm you up." In a French accent, "Though I am very small, so it might be hard."
          Though his abnormally high body heat might help.
          He IS quite thin. As I wrap my arms around him, to better utilize his body heat of course, I feel his hip bones.
          I am aware of people talking, and activity in the van, but I don't know what is going on, I am too distracted by this near stranger's arms wrapped around me.  
          The rent-a-cop's lights roam around the parking lot, trying to earn their paycheck. Every once in a while those lights get so close it feels like they want us. When they do this, Adair fixates nervously on them until they pass.
         When he does return to himself he just continues cuddling. This is how humans should be.  Effortless affection with no obligations.  I just wish I wasn't so sure he was on Ecstasy.
          
:iconchananamuffin:

Author's Comments

Pretty rave boy Adair.

Description if you would like it...

Comments


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:iconphenylketonurics:
The last line's brutal, man. Dig that so very much. But the descriptive prowess you fling around here is amazing. I get very strong visuals from pretty much every bit of this [I find the roaming police lights an incredible one, too].

STOP BEING GOOD AT... bloody near everything creative, haha~
:iconchananamuffin:
I actually debated whether or not to put it...
I wanted it to be subtle, what exactly was going on, but not everyone knows those tiny signs of what people are doing...I'm glad it had a good impact :D

I don't even know...I just wrote spontaneously, but I tried to give it a good flow...so that was important.

:DDD You are TOO good.
I don't even see it. (psh, obligatory modesty, of course I LOVE and appreciate your praise. I should just become more sure of myself. But without becoming an ass...)

--
there's a mindless self indulgence lyric for any occasion...
:iconsparkrocker:
Ooh, I want to know more.

The atmosphere is very well built.

--
"It can be more than just sounds and words-- it can be something that saves your from yourself, your thoughts, your life, your world." -Tsunami Bomb, Negative One to Ten
:iconchananamuffin:
I don't know what to do with it, but as an introduction to...something...I

Like it?

--
there's a mindless self indulgence lyric for any occasion...
:iconbahama-dreams:
I like this, I don't know if I'd call it an introduction though, it sounds more like either a culmination or about 3/4 through a chapter. It does leave the reader wanting more and I wonder what the end of the night might be like. I think you could go back further to how all of these people went to the club and all came together to be in the van. I'd love to read about the rave and what was going on in there, that sounds like a visual feast! :)

As far as description goes, it's hard to be overly descriptive. Any detail you can put in there, will only draw your reader into the scene. I like the way this piece is written, you have given your reader a good visual of the happenings going on. I just feel you can stretch this out alot more without losing your reader.

My fave line ^.^
The rent-a-cop's lights roam around the parking lot, trying to earn their paycheck.

--
ADVENTUM
GLORIFICUS

Bahamas' Gallery

Check out *simplypoetry, =Lit-Resources and ~distinctpoetry
for literature challenges
:iconchananamuffin:
:D

I am actually working on describing more of this club scene. I will post it in increments, I think...

I'm not sure, I know there's some sort of writer in me...

Yeah, I'm glad that line wasn't lost! XDDD

Thanks for the praise and crit.

--
there's a mindless self indulgence lyric for any occasion...
:iconbahama-dreams:
you're welcome hon

--
ADVENTUM
GLORIFICUS

Bahamas' Gallery

Check out *simplypoetry, =Lit-Resources and ~distinctpoetry
for literature challenges
:iconchananamuffin:
You still need to note me.

--
there's a mindless self indulgence lyric for any occasion...
:iconbahama-dreams:
I did.... I'll look, I thought I did anyway

--
ADVENTUM
GLORIFICUS

Bahamas' Gallery

Check out *simplypoetry, =Lit-Resources and ~distinctpoetry
for literature challenges

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